Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Future Events And An Official Announcement

Even with race day still over 7 weeks away, some members of the team have already begun pondering what the next adventure will be. And some of our audience has started to think that maybe they’d like to jump in for the next one. So like any responsible Tough Mudder blog, we want to help encourage you to take one on.

The first event on the horizon is Cleveland Marathon weekend, May 19th and 20th. Some of you just dropped your coffee. Trust me, it's not as bad as it sounds. With races ranging from a 5k all the way up to the 26.2 mile monster, there's a challenge suited for just about everyone. Atwell Arsenal team members, if you've ever thought about running a half-marathon this would be a great reason to continue your training after the Tough Mudder and the epic celebratory feast/beer binge .

The next race on our radar is trying out a Warrior Dash. For those unacquainted, a Warrior Dash is like the Tough Mudder’s shorter, Viking-themed, little brother. More specifically it’s a 5k mud run through a dozen or so obstacles. This summer there are two chances to take it on. The first is June 2nd and 3rd about an hour southeast of Columbus. The other option is August 25th at a site halfway between Massillon and Akron, aka right in our backyard. For more info, hit their site: http://warriordash.com Please let me know if you’re thinking of signing up for either or both, and we can start hyping that branch of the Atwell Arsenal as well.

Others are thinking “Screw this road racing and short course events. If these guys can train up and do a Tough Mudder, why can’t I?”

Well you are in luck. In the distant autumn, in far away Maryland, members of the Atwell Arsenal are already after a second helping of the glory to be consumed down in the quarries. On September 8th and 9th Tough Mudder is holding a race in Frederick, Maryland . For those of you without a calendar, that's over 6 months away. You can train to do ANYTHING in 6 months. The best part is Maryland in September will almost certainly be warmer than Ohio in April. Consider that another perk. And lastly, there will be a whole team of us with Tough Mudder tips and wisdom to bestow upon the masses. You'd be stupid NOT to do it!

While discussing the prospect of attacking Maryland next, Tim Russell cited the Tough Mudder tattoo policy of “Tattoos of our logo for anyone tough enough to want one will be available for $70. Send your receipt to info@toughmudder.com and we’ll give you a free entry to a Tough Mudder of your choice in 2012. Customize it by having the event date and location put on–keep adding as you go to record all your epic Mudder adventures”, and wondered aloud if anyone else was thinking of getting inked up.

Erick quickly quipped. “Can it be temporary? Can it be a dolphin?”
After an awkward moment, the team politely requested that Erick sit the next couple of plays out.
Awkwardness and dolphins aside, please consider this post as the official announcement:

In September the Atwell Arsenal will be taking this circus on the road, to Crumland Farm in Frederick MD to take on the Maryland Tough Mudder, and we’d love to have you on the team. Apologies in advance to the entire state of Maryland.

(Note: Not Erick's tattoo.)

Friday, February 17, 2012

Meet the Mudders - Steve Conway!

At long last, it's time for the highlight of everyone's week. Say hello to Steve Conway



Name – Steve Conway
Mudder Name – Vertebrae
Known Immunities – Asbestos, Radiation, Sadness
Favorite Movie – Back Draft, Back to the Future
Ethnicity – Irish by blood, American by adoption, Tough Mudder by choice
Favorite Song – Back in Black, AC-DC
Favorite direction – Lateral. You thought it would be back, didn't you?
Favorite in car positioning: Backseat
Favorite quote: “Conway, it means big sexy in Ireland, but in the States it just means Conway”
If Steve were an amoeba, what’s the first thing he’d do: Grow a back bone
Little known fact: Steve does not give a shit about the Honey Badger. Given the chance, he’ll prove it by completely ignoring that youtube video.
Best At What Tough Mudder Obstacle: Any that don’t involve wedging his enormous lats through a confined space

Today's Mudder of the Week is a triple threat – brawn, brains, and beauty. When he's not knocking out three hours on the rowing machine, he's off on whirlwind adventures throughout Ohio and Pennsylvania looking for asbestos in people’s ceilings and contaminated oil drums in their yard.

Steve had no choice but to grow up tough. The eighth of nine children, Steve's beginnings were humble as the pie bearing the same name. His father, Seamus O'Grady McStewart Conway, arrived on Ellis Island with his small Irish Catholic family, only two mason jars of Guinness and a potato to his name. But using his Conway wits and silver Irish tongue, Seamus traveled from swap meet to swap meet across the USA, and traded his way to a comfortable life for his family.

Potato → Unsharpened pencil
Unsharpened pencil and 1 moldy Guinness → Three left shoes
Three left shoes → Two soiled cowboy hats and a Christmas tie
(editor's note: several thousand trades omitted due to word count limit)
1 Ferrari (red), 10,000 shares of Chef Boy-R-Dee stock, and 1 moldy, nearly solidified, Guinness (half drank) → House with white picket fence, college education for six kids, vocational school tuition for the other three, 1 case expired Slim Fast

Steve and his father always had a tenuous relationship. That is until Nazis kidnapped Seamus, trying to get the noted environmentalist to decode an ancient tome said to hold the key to locating the Holy Grail. Steve pursued his father's captors across the Atlantic, simultaneously battling Nazis and an ancient sect dedicated to the Grail's protection. Spoiler alert, the Nazis shoot Seamus at the gateway to the hidden temple, and Indy... er, I mean Steve Conway... has no choice but to venture inside to save his father. You'll have to Netflix it to find out how the story ends (the traitor girl dies, and you find out Steve was named after the dog).

On another adventure, while environmentalisting through an abandoned building in Cleveland's historic Egyptian quarter, Steve made a startling discovery. Scrawled into the thick black mold coating the basement were irregular yet distinctive markings. Utilizing his photographic memory, Steve memorized the hieroglyphics and their sequence. With the frequent flyer miles racked up during previous adventures, Steve caught a plane to the British Museum to visit the Rosetta Stone.

With his mastery of the ancient Greek language Steve decoded the hieroglyphics and made an amazing discovery: the secret of the pyramids' construction wasn't primitive tools, massive amounts of slave labor, or divine intervention. The true key was the immense back strength of Egypt's people. By Steve's calculations, King Tut would have been able to carry at least two – 6 ton blocks on his meaty shoulders. And like some television infomercial workout program, the hieroglyphics showed how you too could get the back strength you'd always dreamed about with clear step by step instructions.

Steve is now developing his own workout regime, P-Nile-X, based on his discovery. While he's been successful in replicating all the moves, the diet plan is proving tricky; there's just not a reliable source for the locusts, blood water, or raining frogs in the United States. Steve has recently been spotted consulting with Tony Horton -famed Beach Body trainer and P90X creator- on developing a supplement to provide these vital nutrients. Look for “Pharaoh Fuel - Conway’s Max Back Attack” meal replacement bars in stores this Fall, and look for Steve Conway at the Tough Mudder in the South Amherst Quarries on April 14th. He’ll be the one with the huge back, rocking the shake-weight between obstacles.



(Steve Conway - Sun's Out, Guns Out)

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Pardon Our Mess

Apologies for the delay! Work deadlines have created a temporary delay of this week's Meet the Mudder. Check back soon to read all about our friend and your soon-to-be favorite Mudder, Steeeeeeve Conway!

Monday, February 13, 2012

The Volpe Hill II - Revenge of Bear Creek












(The Atwell Arsenal assembles for the latest team workout. Volpe Hill hostess, Gracie, leads the team back to the starting gates)

With most of this week's creative juices being devoted to new blog posts, team videos, and race day costume ideas, The Atwell Arsenal came up short in the search for the next team workout location. So due to the fact that over half the team missed The Volpe Hill experience last week, we made the same decision Hollywood does when they're short on ideas. Make the sequel!


The Volpe Hill II – Revenge of Bear Creek





On a crisp February day, as the first flakes of a winter storm began to fall, the returning cast of Bob-O, Jicha, and Justin welcomed Horwich, Conway, and TRuss to the set. Erick had a scheduling conflict with a guacamole-themed project and could not attend, while Tiana's agent advised her to hold out until at least Part III so she could get higher billing on the marquee.




(Bob-O, posing with Horwich, Tim, and Steve. The first timers have no idea what they're in for.)

In terms of sequels, The Volpe Hill II was a complete success.
-It kept the most popular elements from the original, including: hill climbing almost to the point of puking, perilous stream crossings in icy water, and thorn bushes threatening to severe muscles and arteries alike.

-It eliminated the less popular elements. Thanks to a week without rain and Friday's below-freezing temperatures, the climbs had much better footing.




(Tim would later declare the Volpe Hill was “No friend of mine... anyone have some Neosporin”)

-Finally it improved upon certain aspects of the first. We went different route in the valley, thanks to direction from Jicha's dad, and had a longer running section. More cockle burrs meant more carnage.




(Legs cut to ribbons and lungs about to burst, Brian and Jicha share an intimate moment on the hilltop)

And just like most sequels, the ending was almost identical to the original's. Bodies strewn about the hilltop, gasping for air. High hopes of doing 4-6 laps disregarded after 3 grueling out and backs.

But this time, the recovery drinks came in a case instead of just a 6-pack.


Thursday, February 9, 2012

Meet The Mudders - Erick Allen


After profiling our laboratory bred super soldier and mind reading samurai teammates these last two weeks, it’s time we at the Atwell Arsenal blog shift gears. Today we turn our focus to a member of the team who is more of your traditional, good old fashioned American every-man. One who does not possess super strength and has never worked directly with the President of the United States. One who’s ancestry.com account has no concrete ties to Japan or Sparta. One who, as you know if you’ve been reading since the blog’s inception, is quite susceptible to kidnapping. Ladies and gentlemen – Erick Allen.

Name: Erick Allen
Nick Name: Eric Allen
Mudder Name: Clark Kent
Personality: Anxious
Ability to shout out prime numbers in rapid succession: High
Favorite cat name: Vixen
Car color: Swedish Silver
Currently blackmailing what beer distributer: Thirsty Dog Brewing Company
Anticipated MVP of What Tough Mudder Obstacle: Are there any that involve math?
Favorite Foods: Challah bread, matza ball soup, unleavened bread, bagels, pork-free products
Fun Fact: Successfully owned and operated two coin collecting shops. Sold them because “the hobby was just becoming too commercialized.”
Most memorable quote: “does it have to be a real tattoo…..can it be a dolphin” ?
Most embarrassing moment: see most memorable quote

Somewhere in Ohio a man walks unnoticed down a crowded sidewalk. He's unassuming in appearance, with dark rimmed glasses and green corduroy pants.

Suddenly a sonic boom blast echoes through the sky. In unison, the crowd gasps and ducks away from the dragon/UFO/Commi-nazi fighter jets. All but one man. With the cool, calculated grace of an experienced mohel (sounds like 'soil'), the man in glasses slices through the crowd and ducks into a phone booth. Because whatever city he's in still has those.

Mere moments later a savior bursts onto the scene, streaking across the sky after Godzilla/aliens/Facist-socialists.

“Look! Up in the sky!” shouts a buxom red-head.
“It's a bird!” a wine-o screams, stumbling into traffic.
“It's a plane!” stupidly guesses a paper boy.
No! It's... an Avian Contractor! A duck with a clipboard, hard hat, and megaphone! An extremely inside joke!

And Erick Allen! Standing next to the phone booth! Still in the corduroys. His eyes shifting around nervously, hoping no one saw him hiding.


This is not your run of the mill super hero. Erick cannot fly. He can't leap tall buildings even in multiple bounds, and he isn't any faster than an average man. Laser vision? Nope. X-ray vision? Nope? 20/20 vision? Nope. Whether or not he’s bullet-proof is still up for debate, but it’s probably best we don’t test it.

Erick's powers are of a much more domestic nature. He is tidy, and he is prompt. Erick's car insurance premiums are as low as they've ever been thanks to his safe driving habits and having signed up for automatic bill pay. HVAC systems bend to his will. No one writes a scathing letter to the editor like Erick. Yes, the Atwell Arsenal's own EA truly embodies the “It's in the game!” slogan.

With a description of what it's like working with today's Tough Mudder of the week, here is Erick's cubemate, Daniel Reginald Jicha, in his own words:

“When I tell others of Erick, I ask that they not look at him and only see a frail man with a 145 pound stature. I ask that they don't look upon him and immediately think of that squirrely acorn collecting thing from “Ice Age”. I also implore you not to look down on him, even when you are literally looking down to speak with him. NO! I implore to treat him like any other man. A man deserving respect! A man who commands your attention whenever he walks into the room! My friends, Erick Allen deserves glory!!”

Erick's life has been a full one, with many adventures along the way. To describe them all would take days, and to select only a few of the highlights would be a disservice to the many deeds and feats accomplished along the way. Instead, we present to you a list of crowning achievements in chronological order and ask that you weigh which event merits the most credit.

Age 0 – Erick emerges from the womb, cross eyed and screaming
Age 6 months – vestigial tail removed
Age 4 – Erick receives his first pair of bifocals. Finally able to see the clown at his birthday party, Erick discovers he is terrified of clowns. Also realizes he is afraid of the vaccum cleaner.
Age 11 – Principal requests Erick shave prior to school picture day.
Age 18 – Mistaken for Hulk Hogan while attending a live event, a pulled-from-the-crowd Erick makes his debut in the WWF. First man eliminated in the ensuing Royal Rumble.
Age 20 – Erick’s first (voluntary) kiss.
Age 25 – Erick takes a year-long furlough from work to finally realize his dream: Complete Super Mario Brothers 1 through 3 in a single sitting without losing one life.
Age 27 – Erick weds the beautiful Allison. An episode of Unsolved Mysteries is produced, questioning Allison’s motives and wondering if Erick used some kind of Yo-yo hypnosis.
Age 28 – Erick files for Professional Engineering reciprocity in Pennsylvania
Age 32 – Erick nearly killed in a freak Thirsty Dog Beer drinking conspiracy
Age 34 – Son Charlie born.
Age 36 – Charlie defeats Erick in arm-wrestling contest
Age 40 – Celebrates being Over-The-Hill by dressing up as Frodo “Underhill” Baggins to attend a midnight Lord of the Rings screening.
Age 47 – Erick finally receives his Pennsylvania PE
Age 48 – Erick joins the Atwell Arsenal and dedicates himself to getting back into the shape of a 36 year old Erick.

(CAUTION - INSIDE JOKE ALERT)
Now in his twilight years, Erick’s body is beginning to break down. His wrists have atrophied to the point that he has to do push-ups from a vertical position, and if he doesn’t get 10 hours of sleep a night he’s barely functional the next day.

For these reasons, the Atwell Arsenal had some initial concerns about Erick’s ability to get ready for the race. As a senior member of the team, his teammates were worried the rigorious “2+ mile” and “weights with the kids” workouts just wouldn’t be enough to haul him through 12 miles worth of rough terrain, mud, and obstacles. That is until Erick showed up for the first team training session at the Volpe Hill on that crisp February day wearing nothing but a Speedo and a spray on tan. Seemingly immune to the cold, Erick plowed through the woods step for step with both his former commando boss and younger teammates. His effort has inspired the office, and caused many to shed a tear.

For these reasons and more, Erick “Clark Kent” Allen will not only survive the Tough Mudder, but will be an inspiration for all come April 14th. Keep your eyes peeled for Erick out on the course, he’ll be the guy whistling the Legend of Zelda theme as he crosses the monkey bars.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

"First Training"


1st Annual Team Training Event

This Atwell Arsenal training update brought to you by new David Beckham Underpants. David Beckham Underpants – The Sure Sign of A Good Time, Here We Go.

This week, the Atwell Arsenal tried something different. Scrapping their solitary, lonesome workouts, four teammates met up for the first of what will be many team training events.

At the peak of the Volpe Hill (so named for it being behind Dan’s step-dad’s house) on a sunny Bedford day, Bob-O, Erick, Jicha, and Justin stared into the abyss. Before them a 100 foot chasm awaited, with nothing but a quarter mile of mud pits, thorn bushes, a raging river, and an equally large hill on the other side waiting. Out and back was one lap.

Now we could easily write several pages worth of notes recounting the epic trials of that day. But knowing that many of the Atwell Arsenal blog visitors may not be the strongest readers, we opted instead to produce something in a media some of our audience would better appreciate:




(click to make text legible)


Jealous? Don't be! We'll be hitting the hill again soon, and want YOU to tag along. Be there!







Monday, February 6, 2012

MEET THE kinda MUDDER - Dan Engle

Dan Engle
Social Networking and Multi Media Team Leader


He casts a long shadow from there atop Bunker Hill.  On that lonesome ridge you’ll find him in his signature neon orange shirt, Carhart overalls, muddy Redwing boots, and lush lumberjack beard.  It’s Twitter’s most beloved surveyor/weekend general, Dan Engle.

Dan Engle, he’s ready for anything.  Survey rod in one hand, compass in the other, a plumb bob swaying from his belt, and a six-pack of Four Lokos in the truck, that’s our Dan “Right Angle” Engle.  That’s how he likes it, that’s how he rolls.

Dan spent many years studying the science of surveying.  But from an early age Dan knew that to truly become a surveyor, you must become one with the outdoors.  Sometimes you’ve got to get out from behind that desk, poindexter, and let your plumb bob drop!

Dan Engle’s skills are many.  Dan can be anywhere in the United States and be able to tell you what state he’s in simply by looking at a map.  He can tell depth to groundwater by licking the dirt.  Beat that Lewis and Clark.  Legend tells of his ability to tell time by the sun’s shadow, others claim he does so with an analog watch.  Both very impressive. 

But the most interesting thing about Dan isn’t his survey powers or his plumb bob obsession.  No, what’s most fascinating about Dan Engle is his uncanny ability to lead upwards of six Revolutionary War Re-enactors into the field of battle on weekends and safely return them to their loved ones on Sunday afternoon.  He may be Survey Crew Chief Dan Engle to you and I, but to his soldiers he is General Washington, crossing the Delaware River (despite the fact that we’re in Ohio), with dreams of becoming the first President of these United States.

We recently had the privilege of catching up with the Surveying Prodigy, Modern-day Revolutionary war hero, and the Atwell Arsenal’s newly appointed Team Leader of Social Networking and Media

Interviewer – Thanks for sitting down with me, Mr. Engle.

Dan Engle – (chuckling) Please, Mr. Engle is my father.  You may call me General.

Interviewer – Umm, ok… so in your many survey explorations, have you ever made any discoveries of note?

General Dan Engle – Let’s see.  You’ve heard of Mount Rushmore, yes?

Interviewer – Are you implying that you “discovered” a man-made monument?  How is that possible?

General Dan Engle – Damn left-wing media, don’t put words in my mouth.  I simply asked if you have ever heard of it.

Interviewer – Understood.  I apologize.  The question again was have you ever made any discoveries of record?

General Dan Engle – Have you ever heard of the Grand Canyon?

Interviewer – I’m pretty sure you didn’t discover that, either.

General Dan Engle – So are you sure, or are you pretty sure?  If you don’t know the facts than keep your mouth shut, soldier.

Interviewer – Ok, well congratulations on that.  Your parents must be proud.

General Dan Engle – I cannot tell a lie, they are very proud.  I’m a surveyor and a General, just like surveyor and General George Washington before me.

Interviewer – Moving on.  I know you’re a big fan of the plumb bob.  Any other devices that strike you as particularly interesting in the survey field?  Do you ever use any high tech devices like GPS?

General Dan Engle – One can’t be a surveyor in this day and age without using them.  However, I don’t trust technology.  Give me a musket and powder horn any day over a computer and mouse.

Interviewer – Dan, it’s…

General Dan Engle – General.

Interviewer – Right.  General.  It’s funny you say that.  Didn’t you just recently become the lead Social Media Liaison for a local, extremely entertaining and well-written, blog?  Doesn’t that require a certain degree of technical savvy?

General Dan Engle – Didn’t you?

Interviewer – I’m not following.  I haven’t accepted the social media…

General Dan Engle – Well than perhaps, sir, you should!  You are obviously not suited for your current position. 

Interviewer – I hardly think that’s appropriate…

General Dan Engle – You sir remind me of an under developed prairie dog.  You’re lucky I am not something that hunts prairie dogs, otherwise I’d stuff your carcass into one of my fake canons and use your bones for shrapnel.

Interviewer – Dan you should sit down…

General Dan Engle – General!
Interviewer – What?

General Dan Engle – GENERAL!

Interviewer - … General, I would tread lightly.  You know you’re no real war hero, you just play one in the field.
General Dan Engle – I grow weary of your stupidity.

Interviewer – My stupidity?  You claimed to have discovered Mount Rushmore!

General Dan Engle – Yes, your stupidity.  You’re so dumb you couldn’t tip the shit out of my Redwings if the instructions were written on the heel.

Interview pre-maturely concluded on account of fisticuffs.

please welcome Dan Da Dam Man Engle!!!

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Meet the Mudders - Tim Russell

Mudder – Timmy Russell

Street Names –T-Russ, The Russell Mussell, Timmy

If Tim Were An Animal, What Would He Be –A koala – quiet and unassuming on the outside, but still a bear with big assed claws on the inside... and outside

Car color – Korean Silver

Favorite Music Tempo – Steady

Anticipated MVP of What Mudder Obstacle - All

Standard Bedtime – Timmy Russell does not sleep. He waits.

Known Super Powers - See below

Timmy has been known to meditate up to 8 hours every night laying down.

Timmy was actually the first name of Teddy Ruxpin. Damn commies made the manufacture call it Teddy instead.

Hypothetical situation: If Tim and your mom were hanging from a cliff, who would you save?

Answer: Tim would save you, and your mom.

Behind steady eyes lies a dormant force. It lurks there, just below the surface, like a circling shark. Do not be lulled to carelessness and do not let your own focus fade, for when you least expect, the Quiet Storm shall strike.” – Mantra of Clan T-Russ-ahkimora , Japan, circa 1287

Today we introduce you to the Atwell Arsenal’s greatest enigma. The team’s most versatile member, he has every right to confidence and bravado, and yet remains the most restrained. The Native Americans call him “Walks In Mud Without Splashing”. You know him as Timothy M. Russell.

The Russell family descends from a long line of ancient warriors. The first to grace the history books was one Timithus Russellias, a Spartan at the famed battle of Thermopylae, popularized in the film “300”. It was here too that the famed laconic wit of the Russell family took root; when a Persian diplomat boasted of his army’s numbers by noting their archers numbered so many as to blot out the sun, Timithus famously quipped “Then we shall fight in the shade.”

For the next 2,500 years, a Russell would be at the heart of many historical conflicts, fighting side-by-side or directly against some of history’s greatest figures. The fiery red haired chief of clan McRussell served as one of William Wallace’s top lieutenants against Edward Longshanks and the English. The Roman assassin Timio poisoned Attila The Hun at his wedding feast, preventing the barbarian from further troubling Rome. Historians believe Corporal T. F. Russell’s 1877 trip to Tokyo was directly responsible not only for the westernization of Japan, but also served as the inspiration for Tom Cruise’s character in the 2003 blockbuster “The Last Samurai”.

There, in the land of the rising sun, the Russell line underwent a transformation. Their fierce warrior heritage of the West was tempered by the Zen principles of the East, finding balance, becoming Samurai. The Samurai tenants of discipline, honor, and courage have passed down to our own Tim Russell. There is no better example than T-Russsss's chosen workout regime. T-Russ and Insanity are a juxtaposition of one another. Steady and reserved meets lighting paced terror.

When Tim's laser focus is engaged you can tell it by his accountability texts. They arrive in stoic, steady tones, painting a picture in crisp black and white.

4.25 run .75 walk”

upper body workout”

Frivolous, exaggerated texts about burrito eating or who bathes after workouts and who does not only serve to water down the message. The samurai of feudal Japan held a strict moral code forbidding embellishment of personal deeds, a tradition that lives on in Tim. While his co-workers never shut up about the rigors of their own workout regimes – how many days into week 6 of P90X-2 he's on (Justin), how hard running is (Jicha), and who's back looks best in dress shirts (Steve) – Tim keeps a calm that belies a power within that rivals even forces of nature.

Wisdom is knowing what to say, yet not saying it.” - Timothy M. Russell

In the office, Tim plays the part of a valued and versatile team member. Equal parts surveyor, engineer, draftsmen, and construction manager, Tim's strengths are many and obvious. He uses his quiet and humble nature as a cloak to hide his true powers.

What powers you ask?

How about the fact that Tim is entirely water proof. Not only that, all Russell's are buoyant beyond the laws of physics. You've seen Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon where they're running across water and sword fighting standing on reeds? Tim's uncle, Jim Russell, totally did all those stunts. Obviously this ability will be of paramount importance on race day.

(Jim Russell, rollin')

Lastly, Tim has the power of foresight. That's right, he can bend time itself to see into the future. Often when you think he's quietly listening, he's actually distracted by future events, like a kid in front of the television.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Tim Russell - Samurai warrior, diligent worker, psychic friend.