Meet the Mudders - Bob-O

First Name: Bob
Last Name: CLASSIFIED
Middle Name: “O”
Mudder Name: Big & Beautiful (self proclaimed)
Rank: CLASSIFIED
Small countries ruled: Most
Inventor of: The Hoover Dam, hard plastics, Armor Piercing ammunition, Sharpies, the Sleeper Hold, gravity, and the cassette tape.
Favorite Music: anything David Bowie
Super Heroes that would rather be Bob: 1966 Batman and Robin

In the early 1960s, the United States government began work on a top secret program, codenamed H.E.R.C.U.L.E.S. (Human Embryo with Reinforced Circulatory, Unrivaled Leadership, and Espionage Systems)

The objective: to create a super soldier the likes of which had never been seen. One that never tired. One who could blend-in in any surrounding or setting. One that could kill a man seven ways with just his thumb.

After years of research and painstaking genetic engineering, subject Robert “Bob-O” was born. Half man, half amazing, the prototype far and away exceeded the project’s initial goals. The Pentagon immediately canceled all further work on project H.E.R.C.U.L.E.S., worried that having more than one in an American uniform could be seen as a violation of pacts outlined in the Geneva Convention.

As a 4 year old, Bob-O received his Kung Fu black belt from Master Wu in a Himalayan dojo. At 5 years he trapped his first grizzly with nothing more than 6 paperclips, 1 curly telephone cord, 3 mechanical pencils, and the neighbor’s cat. And at age 12 he became the youngest Army Ranger in history.

A series of successful black ops operations around the globe and in space won him the respect of high ranking members of the United States government. Thankfully, Bob-O was able to maintain his anonymity due to the confidential nature of his missions and never had to deal with paparazzi pressure.

(Photo Caption: Project H.E.R.C.U.L.E.S - Mission Accomplished)

In between covert operations, Bob-O served as Ronald Reagan’s personal advisor in settling all matters foreign and domestic. They became good friends and Bob-O was the first to call Reagan by his popular nickname, “The Gipper”.

is also directly responsible for the fall of Communism in Russia. 15 minutes prior to Reagan’s impassioned speech before the Berlin Wall, Bob-O made a phone call to the Kremlin where he was overheard saying “Mr. Gorbachev, open this gate! Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall… Or I’m going to burst into Moscow and rip that weird frickin’ spot thing off your head with my bare hands!”.

These days, Bob-O has gone into deep cover. His mission: economic recovery for the country through residential and commercial development, with a mix of energy initiatives for good measure. Some say he’s in Arizona building solar panels, others claim to have seen him in the wilds of the Pacific Northwest trying to find the next Starbucks to take nationwide, and conspiracy theorists claim he may be in Texas operating under the alias T. Boone Pickens. The latest rumor is that he’s commanding a new team of operatives to and through the Ohio edition of the Tough Mudder.

One thing is certain. Wherever he goes, inspired Americans and a trail of dead enemies will follow. Stay tuned!