The Volpe Hill II - Revenge of Bear Creek

(The Atwell Arsenal assembles for the latest team workout. Volpe Hill hostess, Gracie, leads the team back to the starting gates)

With most of this week's creative juices being devoted to new blog posts, team videos, and race day costume ideas, The Atwell Arsenal came up short in the search for the next team workout location. So due to the fact that over half the team missed The Volpe Hill experience last week, we made the same decision Hollywood does when they're short on ideas. Make the sequel!

The Volpe Hill II – Revenge of Bear Creek





On a crisp February day, as the first flakes of a winter storm began to fall, the returning cast of Bob-O, Jicha, and Justin welcomed Horwich, Conway, and TRuss to the set. Erick had a scheduling conflict with a guacamole-themed project and could not attend, while Tiana's agent advised her to hold out until at least Part III so she could get higher billing on the marquee.

(Bob-O, posing with Horwich, Tim, and Steve. The first timers have no idea what they're in for.)

In terms of sequels, The Volpe Hill II was a complete success.
-It kept the most popular elements from the original, including: hill climbing almost to the point of puking, perilous stream crossings in icy water, and thorn bushes threatening to severe muscles and arteries alike.

-It eliminated the less popular elements. Thanks to a week without rain and Friday's below-freezing temperatures, the climbs had much better footing.

(Tim would later declare the Volpe Hill was “No friend of mine... anyone have some Neosporin”)

-Finally it improved upon certain aspects of the first. We went different route in the valley, thanks to direction from Jicha's dad, and had a longer running section. More cockle burrs meant more carnage.

(Legs cut to ribbons and lungs about to burst, Brian and Jicha share an intimate moment on the hilltop)

And just like most sequels, the ending was almost identical to the original's. Bodies strewn about the hilltop, gasping for air. High hopes of doing 4-6 laps disregarded after 3 grueling out and backs.

But this time, the recovery drinks came in a case instead of just a 6-pack.

Meet The Mudders - Erick Allen

After profiling our laboratory bred super soldier and mind reading samurai teammates these last two weeks, it’s time we at the Atwell Arsenal blog shift gears. Today we turn our focus to a member of the team who is more of your traditional, good old fashioned American every-man. One who does not possess super strength and has never worked directly with the President of the United States. One who’s ancestry.com account has no concrete ties to Japan or Sparta. One who, as you know if you’ve been reading since the blog’s inception, is quite susceptible to kidnapping. Ladies and gentlemen – Erick Allen.

Name: Erick Allen
Nick Name: Eric Allen
Mudder Name: Clark Kent
Personality: Anxious
Ability to shout out prime numbers in rapid succession: High
Favorite cat name: Vixen
Car color: Swedish Silver
Currently blackmailing what beer distributer: Thirsty Dog Brewing Company
Anticipated MVP of What Tough Mudder Obstacle: Are there any that involve math?
Favorite Foods: Challah bread, matza ball soup, unleavened bread, bagels, pork-free products
Fun Fact: Successfully owned and operated two coin collecting shops. Sold them because “the hobby was just becoming too commercialized.”
Most memorable quote: “does it have to be a real tattoo…..can it be a dolphin” ?
Most embarrassing moment: see most memorable quote

Somewhere in Ohio a man walks unnoticed down a crowded sidewalk. He's unassuming in appearance, with dark rimmed glasses and green corduroy pants.

Suddenly a sonic boom blast echoes through the sky. In unison, the crowd gasps and ducks away from the dragon/UFO/Commi-nazi fighter jets. All but one man. With the cool, calculated grace of an experienced mohel (sounds like 'soil'), the man in glasses slices through the crowd and ducks into a phone booth. Because whatever city he's in still has those.

Mere moments later a savior bursts onto the scene, streaking across the sky after Godzilla/aliens/Facist-socialists.

“Look! Up in the sky!” shouts a buxom red-head.
“It's a bird!” a wine-o screams, stumbling into traffic.
“It's a plane!” stupidly guesses a paper boy.
No! It's... an Avian Contractor! A duck with a clipboard, hard hat, and megaphone! An extremely inside joke!

And Erick Allen! Standing next to the phone booth! Still in the corduroys. His eyes shifting around nervously, hoping no one saw him hiding.

This is not your run of the mill super hero. Erick cannot fly. He can't leap tall buildings even in multiple bounds, and he isn't any faster than an average man. Laser vision? Nope. X-ray vision? Nope? 20/20 vision? Nope. Whether or not he’s bullet-proof is still up for debate, but it’s probably best we don’t test it.

Erick's powers are of a much more domestic nature. He is tidy, and he is prompt. Erick's car insurance premiums are as low as they've ever been thanks to his safe driving habits and having signed up for automatic bill pay. HVAC systems bend to his will. No one writes a scathing letter to the editor like Erick. Yes, the Atwell Arsenal's own EA truly embodies the “It's in the game!” slogan.

With a description of what it's like working with today's Tough Mudder of the week, here is Erick's cubemate, Daniel Reginald Jicha, in his own words:

“When I tell others of Erick, I ask that they not look at him and only see a frail man with a 145 pound stature. I ask that they don't look upon him and immediately think of that squirrely acorn collecting thing from “Ice Age”. I also implore you not to look down on him, even when you are literally looking down to speak with him. NO! I implore to treat him like any other man. A man deserving respect! A man who commands your attention whenever he walks into the room! My friends, Erick Allen deserves glory!!”

Erick's life has been a full one, with many adventures along the way. To describe them all would take days, and to select only a few of the highlights would be a disservice to the many deeds and feats accomplished along the way. Instead, we present to you a list of crowning achievements in chronological order and ask that you weigh which event merits the most credit.

Age 0 – Erick emerges from the womb, cross eyed and screaming
Age 6 months – vestigial tail removed
Age 4 – Erick receives his first pair of bifocals. Finally able to see the clown at his birthday party, Erick discovers he is terrified of clowns. Also realizes he is afraid of the vaccum cleaner.
Age 11 – Principal requests Erick shave prior to school picture day.
Age 18 – Mistaken for Hulk Hogan while attending a live event, a pulled-from-the-crowd Erick makes his debut in the WWF. First man eliminated in the ensuing Royal Rumble.
Age 20 – Erick’s first (voluntary) kiss.
Age 25 – Erick takes a year-long furlough from work to finally realize his dream: Complete Super Mario Brothers 1 through 3 in a single sitting without losing one life.
Age 27 – Erick weds the beautiful Allison. An episode of Unsolved Mysteries is produced, questioning Allison’s motives and wondering if Erick used some kind of Yo-yo hypnosis.
Age 28 – Erick files for Professional Engineering reciprocity in Pennsylvania
Age 32 – Erick nearly killed in a freak Thirsty Dog Beer drinking conspiracy
Age 34 – Son Charlie born.
Age 36 – Charlie defeats Erick in arm-wrestling contest
Age 40 – Celebrates being Over-The-Hill by dressing up as Frodo “Underhill” Baggins to attend a midnight Lord of the Rings screening.
Age 47 – Erick finally receives his Pennsylvania PE
Age 48 – Erick joins the Atwell Arsenal and dedicates himself to getting back into the shape of a 36 year old Erick.

(CAUTION - INSIDE JOKE ALERT)
Now in his twilight years, Erick’s body is beginning to break down. His wrists have atrophied to the point that he has to do push-ups from a vertical position, and if he doesn’t get 10 hours of sleep a night he’s barely functional the next day.

For these reasons, the Atwell Arsenal had some initial concerns about Erick’s ability to get ready for the race. As a senior member of the team, his teammates were worried the rigorious “2+ mile” and “weights with the kids” workouts just wouldn’t be enough to haul him through 12 miles worth of rough terrain, mud, and obstacles. That is until Erick showed up for the first team training session at the Volpe Hill on that crisp February day wearing nothing but a Speedo and a spray on tan. Seemingly immune to the cold, Erick plowed through the woods step for step with both his former commando boss and younger teammates. His effort has inspired the office, and caused many to shed a tear.

For these reasons and more, Erick “Clark Kent” Allen will not only survive the Tough Mudder, but will be an inspiration for all come April 14th. Keep your eyes peeled for Erick out on the course, he’ll be the guy whistling the Legend of Zelda theme as he crosses the monkey bars.

"First Training"

1st Annual Team Training Event

This Atwell Arsenal training update brought to you by new David Beckham Underpants. David Beckham Underpants – The Sure Sign of A Good Time, Here We Go.

This week, the Atwell Arsenal tried something different. Scrapping their solitary, lonesome workouts, four teammates met up for the first of what will be many team training events.

At the peak of the Volpe Hill (so named for it being behind Dan’s step-dad’s house) on a sunny Bedford day, Bob-O, Erick, Jicha, and Justin stared into the abyss. Before them a 100 foot chasm awaited, with nothing but a quarter mile of mud pits, thorn bushes, a raging river, and an equally large hill on the other side waiting. Out and back was one lap.

Now we could easily write several pages worth of notes recounting the epic trials of that day. But knowing that many of the Atwell Arsenal blog visitors may not be the strongest readers, we opted instead to produce something in a media some of our audience would better appreciate:

(click to make text legible)


Jealous? Don't be! We'll be hitting the hill again soon, and want YOU to tag along. Be there!

MEET THE kinda MUDDER - Dan Engle

Dan Engle

Social Networking and Multi Media Team Leader

He casts a long shadow from there atop Bunker Hill.  On that lonesome ridge you’ll find him in his signature neon orange shirt, Carhart overalls, muddy Redwing boots, and lush lumberjack beard.  It’s Twitter’s most beloved surveyor/weekend general, Dan Engle.

Dan Engle, he’s ready for anything.  Survey rod in one hand, compass in the other, a plumb bob swaying from his belt, and a six-pack of Four Lokos in the truck, that’s our Dan “Right Angle” Engle.  That’s how he likes it, that’s how he rolls.

Dan spent many years studying the science of surveying.  But from an early age Dan knew that to truly become a surveyor, you must become one with the outdoors.  Sometimes you’ve got to get out from behind that desk, poindexter, and let your plumb bob drop!

Dan Engle’s skills are many.  Dan can be anywhere in the United States and be able to tell you what state he’s in simply by looking at a map.  He can tell depth to groundwater by licking the dirt.  Beat that Lewis and Clark.  Legend tells of his ability to tell time by the sun’s shadow, others claim he does so with an analog watch.  Both very impressive. 

But the most interesting thing about Dan isn’t his survey powers or his plumb bob obsession.  No, what’s most fascinating about Dan Engle is his uncanny ability to lead upwards of six Revolutionary War Re-enactors into the field of battle on weekends and safely return them to their loved ones on Sunday afternoon.  He may be Survey Crew Chief Dan Engle to you and I, but to his soldiers he is General Washington, crossing the Delaware River (despite the fact that we’re in Ohio), with dreams of becoming the first President of these United States.

We recently had the privilege of catching up with the Surveying Prodigy, Modern-day Revolutionary war hero, and the Atwell Arsenal’s newly appointed Team Leader of Social Networking and Media

Interviewer – Thanks for sitting down with me, Mr. Engle.

Dan Engle – (chuckling) Please, Mr. Engle is my father.  You may call me General.

Interviewer – Umm, ok… so in your many survey explorations, have you ever made any discoveries of note?

General Dan Engle – Let’s see.  You’ve heard of Mount Rushmore, yes?

Interviewer – Are you implying that you “discovered” a man-made monument?  How is that possible?

General Dan Engle – Damn left-wing media, don’t put words in my mouth.  I simply asked if you have ever heard of it.

Interviewer – Understood.  I apologize.  The question again was have you ever made any discoveries of record?

General Dan Engle – Have you ever heard of the Grand Canyon?

Interviewer – I’m pretty sure you didn’t discover that, either.

General Dan Engle – So are you sure, or are you pretty sure?  If you don’t know the facts than keep your mouth shut, soldier.

Interviewer – Ok, well congratulations on that.  Your parents must be proud.

General Dan Engle – I cannot tell a lie, they are very proud.  I’m a surveyor and a General, just like surveyor and General George Washington before me.

Interviewer – Moving on.  I know you’re a big fan of the plumb bob.  Any other devices that strike you as particularly interesting in the survey field?  Do you ever use any high tech devices like GPS?

General Dan Engle – One can’t be a surveyor in this day and age without using them.  However, I don’t trust technology.  Give me a musket and powder horn any day over a computer and mouse.

Interviewer – Dan, it’s…

General Dan Engle – General.

Interviewer – Right.  General.  It’s funny you say that.  Didn’t you just recently become the lead Social Media Liaison for a local, extremely entertaining and well-written, blog?  Doesn’t that require a certain degree of technical savvy?

General Dan Engle – Didn’t you?

Interviewer – I’m not following.  I haven’t accepted the social media…

General Dan Engle – Well than perhaps, sir, you should!  You are obviously not suited for your current position. 

Interviewer – I hardly think that’s appropriate…

General Dan Engle – You sir remind me of an under developed prairie dog.  You’re lucky I am not something that hunts prairie dogs, otherwise I’d stuff your carcass into one of my fake canons and use your bones for shrapnel.

Interviewer – Dan you should sit down…

General Dan Engle – General!
Interviewer – What?

General Dan Engle – GENERAL!

Interviewer - … General, I would tread lightly.  You know you’re no real war hero, you just play one in the field.
General Dan Engle – I grow weary of your stupidity.

Interviewer – My stupidity?  You claimed to have discovered Mount Rushmore!

General Dan Engle – Yes, your stupidity.  You’re so dumb you couldn’t tip the shit out of my Redwings if the instructions were written on the heel.

Interview pre-maturely concluded on account of fisticuffs.

please welcome Dan Da Dam Man Engle!!!

Meet the Mudders - Tim Russell

Mudder – Timmy Russell

Street Names –T-Russ, The Russell Mussell, Timmy

If Tim Were An Animal, What Would He Be –A koala – quiet and unassuming on the outside, but still a bear with big assed claws on the inside... and outside

Car color – Korean Silver

Favorite Music Tempo – Steady

Anticipated MVP of What Mudder Obstacle - All

Standard Bedtime – Timmy Russell does not sleep. He waits.

Known Super Powers - See below

Timmy has been known to meditate up to 8 hours every night laying down.

Timmy was actually the first name of Teddy Ruxpin. Damn commies made the manufacture call it Teddy instead.

Hypothetical situation: If Tim and your mom were hanging from a cliff, who would you save?

Answer: Tim would save you, and your mom.

“Behind steady eyes lies a dormant force. It lurks there, just below the surface, like a circling shark. Do not be lulled to carelessness and do not let your own focus fade, for when you least expect, the Quiet Storm shall strike.” – Mantra of Clan T-Russ-ahkimora , Japan, circa 1287

Today we introduce you to the Atwell Arsenal’s greatest enigma. The team’s most versatile member, he has every right to confidence and bravado, and yet remains the most restrained. The Native Americans call him “Walks In Mud Without Splashing”. You know him as Timothy M. Russell.

The Russell family descends from a long line of ancient warriors. The first to grace the history books was one Timithus Russellias, a Spartan at the famed battle of Thermopylae, popularized in the film “300”. It was here too that the famed laconic wit of the Russell family took root; when a Persian diplomat boasted of his army’s numbers by noting their archers numbered so many as to blot out the sun, Timithus famously quipped “Then we shall fight in the shade.”

For the next 2,500 years, a Russell would be at the heart of many historical conflicts, fighting side-by-side or directly against some of history’s greatest figures. The fiery red haired chief of clan McRussell served as one of William Wallace’s top lieutenants against Edward Longshanks and the English. The Roman assassin Timio poisoned Attila The Hun at his wedding feast, preventing the barbarian from further troubling Rome. Historians believe Corporal T. F. Russell’s 1877 trip to Tokyo was directly responsible not only for the westernization of Japan, but also served as the inspiration for Tom Cruise’s character in the 2003 blockbuster “The Last Samurai”.

There, in the land of the rising sun, the Russell line underwent a transformation. Their fierce warrior heritage of the West was tempered by the Zen principles of the East, finding balance, becoming Samurai. The Samurai tenants of discipline, honor, and courage have passed down to our own Tim Russell. There is no better example than T-Russsss's chosen workout regime. T-Russ and Insanity are a juxtaposition of one another. Steady and reserved meets lighting paced terror.

When Tim's laser focus is engaged you can tell it by his accountability texts. They arrive in stoic, steady tones, painting a picture in crisp black and white.

“4.25 run .75 walk”

“upper body workout”

Frivolous, exaggerated texts about burrito eating or who bathes after workouts and who does not only serve to water down the message. The samurai of feudal Japan held a strict moral code forbidding embellishment of personal deeds, a tradition that lives on in Tim. While his co-workers never shut up about the rigors of their own workout regimes – how many days into week 6 of P90X-2 he's on (Justin), how hard running is (Jicha), and who's back looks best in dress shirts (Steve) – Tim keeps a calm that belies a power within that rivals even forces of nature.

“Wisdom is knowing what to say, yet not saying it.” - Timothy M. Russell

In the office, Tim plays the part of a valued and versatile team member. Equal parts surveyor, engineer, draftsmen, and construction manager, Tim's strengths are many and obvious. He uses his quiet and humble nature as a cloak to hide his true powers.

What powers you ask?

How about the fact that Tim is entirely water proof. Not only that, all Russell's are buoyant beyond the laws of physics. You've seen Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon where they're running across water and sword fighting standing on reeds? Tim's uncle, Jim Russell, totally did all those stunts. Obviously this ability will be of paramount importance on race day.

(Jim Russell, rollin')

Lastly, Tim has the power of foresight. That's right, he can bend time itself to see into the future. Often when you think he's quietly listening, he's actually distracted by future events, like a kid in front of the television.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Tim Russell - Samurai warrior, diligent worker, psychic friend.

ABC news

Ok folks if you didn’t believe all the hype that we have created for this event, all you have to do is check out this link. ABC news covered one of their own, as he made it through the 12 miles, 30+ obstacle race. Pay close attention to the final obstacle “shock therapy”. The hanging wires knock a man down 2 times while trying to finish the race.

http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/video/tough-mudder-15461971

check it out, feel free to post a comment. The day following the race will be a day I can’t wait to be a part of.